If I have posted about this before, please forgive me.
I chat on some online forums with other breast cancer patients and find it helpful to get reassurance, information, feel like you're not the only one going through this stuff (which sadly, we are very much not).
I get a few private messages every now and then from some lovely ladies who tell me that they appreciate my outlook, attitude and find me an 'inspiration'.
Now, don't get me wrong, I am really pleased that they find what I write supportive and helpful. I hope, if nothing else, to show that all is not doom and gloom after that initial scary diagnosis, that the journey is a road that can be travelled without the worst happening to you, that some semblance of normality can continue throughout and afterwards (am I at the afterwards yet? More or less, I suppose!).
But I really don't want to feel responsible for anyone elses emotional journey. I'm having a down day, and I don't want to feel inhibited about expressing that. I know that I will bounce back pretty quick, but I have to be 'allowed' my down days and not feel that I have to keep up a cheerful front for anyone else's sake. And I don't. I won't.
To anyone reading this going through the same/similar, all I can advise is go with it. Feel what you feel. Allow yourself. Don't expect the worst or the best, but don't imagine the worst either. Flow.
I cried on the doctor and the nurse today. I phoned Greg and cried down the phone at him. I sulked on the phone to my parents this evening. But tomorrow I will gather myself up, be grateful that things are not a lot worse, and get on with life. What else is there to do?