A sad day

Originally written: 29th September 2009

I'm afraid the news from my scan is bad news. The baby didn't form - again. Another "anembryonic pregnancy", silent miscarriage, blighted ovum or whatever you want to call it.

Obviously, devastated to see the empty gestational sac on the scan, but could see as soon as it came up what it was. Back in for an ERPC tomorrow, just want to get it sorted.

Followed by meeting with the oncologist, chemo starts earlier than expected now (23rd October) and with 'normal' rather than modified drugs - 3 rounds of a treatment called FEC and then 3 more of Taxotere at 3-weekly intervals. Then radiotherapy. Then 10 years of tamoxifen!!

They are making me an appointment to see a fertility specialist to look into harvesting some eggs, which will be my fail-safe reserve. The chemo may or may not make me infertile, but if I've got the eggs then at least I have the option of IVF later on. Apparently, I can take a break in the Tamoxifen to have a baby and then go back on it, so that isn't as bad as I thought it would be - we could be trying again in a year.

On the plus side, the dressing was taken off my scar for good now, so I can have showers! And I can wear a 'normal' bra so therefore more normal clothes - the support bra thing they gave me came up very high and was visible under all but the highest necklines.

We spent the morning in tears, to be honest, but I feel stronger again already. There is only one thing I have control over in all this, and it is positivity and my own health and strength, so that is where the focus is. Lets crack on and get it sorted.