Tuesday, December 1, 2009

In Denial?

Tuesday (Day 12) - G took another day off to fully recover from his cold/flu, though he is looking better today than yesterday.

My cough is still there. I sound husky (40 a day smoker kinda sound), and have done for a few days. My team at work and G were a bit worried so I thought I would call the chemo centre to see if I should be worried, and they asked me to go to the hospital to have my bloods and chest checked. Skipped out of work to do so (nothing urgent needed doing, so it was a 'good' day for it!!) and my bloods were ok: found out that they check your neutrophil (white cell) count and mine was 1.9. Between 2 and 7 is 'normal', under 1 is a cause for concern, so seeing as I am only half way through chemo #2, 1.9 isn't too bad. Doc has given me another course of antibiotics to try and shake it off - amoxycillin this time.

Today, I have been debating on an online forum about positivity - some people see it as denial, which will hit us sooner or later. Some are offended by posts about positive experiences. I see my positive posts not as insults to those who haven't been so fortunate, but as hope to those starting this journey that it might not all be horrific. Maybe I will get some bad reaction, particularly when the Taxotere starts, but maybe I won't. We will wait and see and take nothing for granted. Be grateful for small mercies.

This lady started the debate off by posting that her mastectomy had been a 'doddle' (possibly not the word I would have used, but she was essentially saying it was a lot less painful than she thought it would be): http://pmapash.wordpress.com/ - a lot of her posts remind me of me!! But it does make me think that Taxotere (docetaxel) is going to be a lot tougher... that starts on 30th December.

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